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I’m interrupting the regularly scheduled podcast to bring up a concerning issue I experienced, the clients enrolled in my 90 Days to a More Resilient Teen Coaching Program are talking about, and maybe it’s coming up for your daughter, too.
As we’re moving through the covid pandemic – a time that challenged us collectively and impacted each of us a little differently – there appears to be a heightened sense of awareness that’s positive in some ways and a bit damaging, in others.
As you know, most teenage girls already feel like they’re over scrutinized and judged.
So, when your daughter feels a heightened sense of what other people may be thinking and saying, a chain reaction often occurs that looks something like …
- Overthinking or distorted thinking about comments / situations
- Second guessing herself and her role in the interactions
- And unexplained fatigue or an overall lack of motivation
I think we can all agree that now more than ever, your daughter needs and deserves to experience moments of joy and spontaneity to make up for all the missed opportunities.
And, I wanted to say, that the next episode will be part three of the deep dive into your daughter’s sense of self with the ‘What to do When’ Guide.
Because I think your shared experiences – thank you for trusting me with your personal stories – are definitely going to help other parents and teens realize they’re not alone on this often-tumultuous journey.
Actually, the ‘What to do When’ Guide is morphing into a series of its own, so stay tuned as I break down the problems and solutions into smaller, more digestible pieces.
Okay, let’s get into today’s question, I’m curious …
how many times has your daughter replayed a past situation in her head and wondered what would have happened if she responded or reacted differently?
As I was reflecting on the situations my private coaching clients are experiencing, I wanted to invite you and your daughter to take a moment and assess what you’re feeling and observing too.
It seems the upside to the pandemic is that overall, people seem less tense and are more cordial.
But the pandemic also seems to have opened the door to increased scrutiny of others.
The intense feeling of being overly assessed by your peers or by strangers, usually doesn’t feel good, and will certainly have an impact on your daughter’s sense of self and her social scenarios.
Personally speaking, as a parent and teen coach I really do my best to stay in tune with my thoughts and emotions and use effective tools and strategies to keep a clear mind so I can show up in the world in a way that feels good to me.
But because I’m also a human, I’m not immune to the tough emotions that get triggered when I feel like I’m being judged or totally misunderstood.
And last week, I got a taste for what my clients are talking about.
I was enjoying chatting with some new folks I’d never met, sharing professional interests and personal tid-bits, when I got the sense that one of the parents already had ‘short list’ in her mind of who I was, based on a handful of her responses.
As the conversation continued, one of my teens momentarily interrupted to ask me a question, and wa-la, one of this woman’s perceptions of me jumped to the surfaced.
She said with gumption, “Oh, your teens must be so easy since you’re a coach.”
Thinking she was kidding, I laughed.
But my response was met with a shrewd sideways glance.
So, here’s the thing about perceptions … we all have ‘em.
The Benefits of Social and Emotional Intelligence
And whether the pandemic opened the door to increased scrutiny of others, or it just feels that way, dealing with other people’s perceptions of you are a part of life.
So why not build your daughter’s social and emotional awareness so she can bounce back from awkward or challenging interactions?
In podcast Episode #2 How to Raise a Socially Intelligent and Resilient Teenager I touch on the work of author Daniel Goleman and what it takes to raise a socially intelligent and resilient teenager.
The five key components in Episode 2 are:
- Internal Motivation
- Social Skills
Not only will understanding these five components help your daughter develop a strong sense of self and others, but Goleman’s approach also encourages her to listen to – and tap into – the power of her insight and intuition.
Insight and Intuition
Ahhh, once your daughter’s gets a taste of the wisdom that lives inside her, she’ll want to discover all the other gems and nuggets.
If you think of it this way, each “insight” will give way to a new skill.
And each new skill will strengthen her resiliency muscle.
As her resiliency muscle grows, your daughter’s ability to successfully navigate scrutiny and judgement will feel easier.
And isn’t that the beginning, middle and end game … to recognize what you control over and feel at peace with who you are.
If you’re thinking, I know my daughter’s insight and intuition are fierce and full of potential, but we can’t seem to access the gems and nuggets, I’d love to help you.
From the words of one of my past clients, “The work you did with our daughter was more than I imagined it could be! She is so much stronger and more confident, and ready to tackle what lies ahead of her. The way you interacted with her and worked with her was exactly what she needed, and for that we couldn’t be more thankful! You are truly a blessing to work with!”
Ah, that my friends is the best part … watching your daughter feel ready to tackle what lies ahead.
If you’re ready to feel that way, please set up a 30 minute Discovery Session today.
Until next time my friends, here’s to cultivating a more resilient teen.
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