Does your teenage daughter avoid certain people or situations?
Welcome back to episode #2
Today we’re going to explore what it takes to raise a Socially Intelligent and Resilient Teenager
And give you 5 questions that’ll help her confidently walk into any situation
Because, as you know, teenage girls are very social creatures.
And, creating solid connections IS the name of the game.
But sometimes it can be tough to…
- reach out to prospective new friend
- join a group activity
- or insert yourself into a social situation.
Especially if she feels she’s invisible or like they’re intentionally leaving her out
Because if there’s one thing I hear from my clients regularly, it’s that even if she really wants to belong, it can be hard to constantly take that social and emotional risk and put yourself “out there.”
Thankfully, with the introduction of Social and Emotional Intelligence in many schools, it’s gotten easier to talk about the importance of understanding your daughter’s internal operating system.
But, here’s the tricky part – if your daughter:
- doesn’t quite get the importance of understanding what’s controlling her behavior
- or doesn’t see how it affects her daily life
she’s probably going to just blow off the concepts.
One of the leaders in the field, author, Daniel Goleman wrote a book called
Emotional Intelligence: Why it Can Matter More than IQ
Where he identifies the five key components of social and emotional intelligence:
Self-Awareness, the ability to identify and label your own emotions.
Self-Regulation, your ability to control and regulate how you react to your emotions.
Internal motivation, having a sense of what’s important in your life.
Empathy, being able to recognize and understand the emotions of others.
Social skills, looking at what’s involved in building social connections.
I don’t know about you, but these concepts would have been a game changer for me as a teenager.
And if you think about the teen-girl-world…
- Drama in any friend group requires empathy and compassion
- And, all social platforms create some amount of internal turmoil that requires a keen sense-of-self
So, why not set your daughter up for success by building up her Social and Emotional Skill Set?
For this exercise, it’s best to put pen to paper
Because you’ll want to give yourself some time to process and reflect on your answers – and that’s hard to do when they’re floating around in your head.
If you’re out and about, don’t worry, these questions will be in the show notes and they’re also on my website, cultivatingresilientteens.com
And the full article titled, How to Raise a Socially Intelligent and Resilient Teenager was also published in Thrive Global and Medium, the publication.
Okay, ready, let’s get to work and build your daughter’s emotional skill set.
The 5 KEY Questions are:
#1What’s your go-to emotion when things don’t go as planned?
#2 Name two things you do to keep your mind clear and balanced?
#3 Count off three things you’re grateful for right now?
#4 What are a few things you’d say to a friend who’s having a bad day?
#5 Who’s on your “most trusted list” and will support you no matter what you’re going through?
Now, here’s a caveat some parents have run into.
If you’re finding that your kind invitation to answer these questions is met with a disgruntled…
“Mom, seriously, what’s the point – how does all this this really affect me?”
That’s your moment to take a deep breath and pose another question…
“Is there a situation you’re dealing with that you’d like to handle a little differently?”
Either way, it’s okay if she doesn’t get on board today because you’re planting thought provoking seeds that’ll nurture and maybe challenge her thinking.
And that IS strengthening her resiliency muscle.
Many of you have shared that you feel like your daughter is overly sensitive.
So, next week I have something special for you.
It’s a Self- Advocacy Guide that’s full of tools that’ll help your daughter embrace her gifts and tap into the power of her voice.
Article: Posted on website under Your Teens Sense of Self
Book, Emotional Intelligence: Why it Can Matter More than IQ by Author, Daniel Goleman