How to Turn Your Daughter’s Fears into Opportunities to Grow | Ep 5

Show Notes

Hey Parents,

Are your daughter’s FEARS preventing her from reaching her true potential?

Fear can be a powerful force – and rattle even the most confident teenager.

Welcome back to Episode #5

Where I can attest that fear can feel very real.

As I’m recording this podcast, the tankers are flying overhead to fight not just one, but two local fires.

The heavy smoke and all the lost and damaged homes in Boulder County are weighing heavily on my heart right now.

So, it’s no wonder my clients just want a sense of certainty these days.

As parents, you know that learning to navigate fear and uncertainty are just part of life – and 2020 just keeps on challenging and pushing us.

That’s why, alongside all the covid related stuff, I’m noticing an uptick in breadth and depth fear is having on my clients.

My clients are sharing that the everyday stuff feels heavier, like …

• Not living up to their parents’ standards or other people’s expectations
• Disappointing herself by setting a goal and feeling like she failed to reach it
• Being rejected by her peers, either at school or in sports or clubs
• Making a stupid mistake in front of others (oh gosh, haven’t we all been there done that, I know I have, more than once!)
• And having a label put on her that she must live up to or defend

So, what happens when your daughter’s emotional plate is full or overflowing?

It’s called emotional overload.

That’s when her fight, flight or fear stress response takes control over her thoughts and behavior.

I’d say if you see your daughter overreacting to things that normally don’t set her off, you may want to go back and listen to Episode #4 “Why it’s Important to Make Your Daughter’s Mental Health a Priority.”

Because she may benefit from the 3 Simple Tips that’ll help her keep her cool in the heat of the moment and feel still feel really darn good about who she is.

Because, if you pull the lens back and look at the big picture, your teenage daughter is also trying to figure out …

• Who she’s becoming or would like to become?
• Where to find her tribe
• The best way to share her gifts with the world
• And, how to squeeze enough time out of the day for the stuff she loves to do

So, rather than allowing, dismissing, or overlooking all that she’s experiencing right now, let’s give her to 3 Practical Approaches she can easily practice anytime, any day to turn her fears into opportunities to grow.

The first approach is to: Get Quiet

It’s so easy to multi-task your day away, but that drains your energy pretty quickly.

Give your body and brain a break by “closing all the tabs” you have open in your mind by focusing on one simple task for a few minutes.

A few things my clients like to do are:

• Chill out in the sunshine
• Listen to their favorite song and sing along
• Or snuggle up with a pet

The purpose of this exercise is twofold.

To learn how to “be” in the present moment and to give your busy mind something calming to focus on.

The Second Approach is to: Get Curious

If you think of it this way, you fear is speaking to you, whether you want it to or not.

As a human, your brain:

• Reportedly has over 6,000 thoughts a day
• Likes to predict what’s going to happen
• And many of your thoughts are repetitive

So, what’s the best way to understand what’s happening inside your mind and body?

To become a curious observer.

Go ahead and give yourself permission to filter through whether your fear is:

• pulling in “assumptions”
• “stories” from the past
• all the possible “what ifs”

OR if it’s offering a moment of clarification.

My favorite example is this concept is the ‘oh so terrifying’ Haunted House.

As a sensitive person, going through a Haunted House used to scare the bejeebers out of me – so I just wouldn’t go out if that’s what my friends were doing.

And then, one day I went inside when all the lights were on.

Ya, I giggled my way through the maze of creatively dressed people and fake props.

And realize, when you shine a light on your fears, rather than fight against them, it’ll make a huge difference, I promise.

Okay, the third approach is to: Get Funky

Here’s the thing, there’s likely something inside your daughter’s head that’s telling her, it’s time to do things differently.

This may sound a little silly, though, have you heard unofficial definition of insanity?

It’s doing the same thing over and over BUT expecting a different result.

Ya, so, when I say, get funky, I mean, mix things up.

Take this opportunity to change up your monotonous routine and add some contrast to your day.

A few things my clients have said help them mix things up are:

• Changing up the configuration of their bed or bedroom furniture
• Cleaning out overstuffed clothing or desk drawers
• Taking a different route to a friend’s house, school, or soccer practice
• Trying new foods (especially the green ones, LOL!)

Anyhow, if you look at these 3 Practical Approaches – what do they have in common?

They’re simple.

So, don’t overthink them – but don’t underestimate them either.

Because they invite a sense of balance and control into your daughter’s often chaotic life.

And they help her tap into her greatest superpower – her self-knowledge.

Not only self-knowledge powerful, but it also gives your daughter a sense of purpose.

And PURPOSE naturally drives POTENTIAL.

However, if you know that your daughter is full of potential but she’s not quite where she wants to be, I have a tool that’ll help.

It’s on the Home page of my website, cultivatingresilientteens.com

And says, Take the Quiz:

Discover: Is Your Teen Daughter Resilient Enough for All of Life’s Adventures?

I know it can be confusing when you’re not sure what’s going on with your daughter.

That’s why this quick Quiz is specifically designed to:

• pinpoint her strengths
• identify what’s working (because that may be hard to see right now)
• AND help you identify where your daughter may need some support

When you’re clear about what you need, it makes putting an effective plan in place so much easier.

Okay, speaking of plans, next week we’re going to give you 3 simple steps to quiet your daughter’s pesky inner critic so she can make clear, confident decisions about her future.

I look forward to connecting with you soon!

Podcast Resources:

Episode #4 Why it’s Important to Make Your Daughter’s Mental Health a Priority

Discover: Is Your Teen Daughter Resilient Enough for All of Life’s Adventures?