Your Daughter Can Do Hard Things When She Has the Right Tools for the Job

What’s your daughter’s take on the newly announced back to school plans?

My clients feel like all the uncertainty is causing a lot of anxiety and fear, yet again.

When uncertainty and fear set in, it triggers your daughter’s stress response … fight, flight or fear.

The hard part is when your daughter’s stress response is running the show, it’s going to drain her energy.

Here are 3 energy leaks and how to stop them.

1. Problem: Mindless Scrolling

Whether or not you realize it, your senses are absorbing the images in front of you.

It’s so easy to get tangled up in the comparison-and-shame-game when you allow your thoughts and feelings go unsupervised and just run wild.

Solution: Have a Plan

Decide 2 key things before you scroll:

  • How much time you’ll spend
  • What activity you’ll move on to when your time’s up (i.e. journal, walk, read, clean, eat, sleep – you choose)

Then, set a timer for 30 minutes (yes, that reasonable).

Now, consciously make the choice to scroll through your media, acknowledging how you feel about what you’re seeing.

When the timer goes off move on to the activity you had planned.

2. Problem: Narrowing your Focus

We’ve all done it … only look at all the crappy stuff that’s happening around you.

The hard part is, the stories usually play on repeat in your mind, making you unable to see opportunities or potential solutions.

Solution: Widen your Lens

Grab a piece of paper or use the Notes app on your phone.

Make 3 columns and identify:

  • What’s bothering me
  • What do I have control over
  • 3 things I’m grateful for today

By pulling the lens back you’ll be able to see the bigger picture.

It’s not about solving all your problems; it’s about finding a neutral place to make clear decisions.

3. Problem: Ignoring your Feelings

What’s your daughter’s go-to response when you ask her

“Hey, how do you feel about (state the situation)?”

Chances are, she’ll dive into what’s happening, especially what other people are doing.

But that’s not a feeling, that’s a story.

Solution: Know Thyself

As corny as it may sound, being able to identify what you’re feeling in any given moment, is powerful.

Your daughter’s feelings are feedback.

When you’re able to clearly state what’s going on for you, it enables you to recognize what you need to feel better.

Your beautiful daughter is made to do hard things, like successfully navigate anxiety and fear.

When you give her the right tools for the job, she’ll discover it’s all going to be okay.

And that’s when the magic happens!

Here’s to cultivating a more resilient teen,

Shawna 🙂

P.S. Looking for more simple tips and tools to help your teenage daughter?

Follow our Cultivating Resilient Teens Instagram page.


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Posted in: Parenting Tips