Ep – 45 How to Make Your Daughter’s Mind Work FOR Her Instead Against Her With 3 Simple Tips

Show Notes

Have you seen it yet? That moment when your daughter comes home from school after the long break and looks at you with wary eyes, a furrowed brow and lips that appear to be moving but she’s stumbling over her words and there’s no audible sound.

I feel like we’ve all been there. That moment in time where you want to clearly articulate the thoughts swirling around in your head and release the mixed emotions weighing you down, but the sense of overwhelm creates a frustrating mental block and prevents you from saying anything at all.

The clients in my 90 Days to a More Resilient Teen coaching program are reporting that the all the big emotions, especially their mixed emotions about being back in school after a long break is causing them to grapple with their desire to see their friends and get back to a productive routine AND manage their long list of expectations, and the inevitable social uncertainties and ‘what ifs’.

That’s why we’re going to talk about 3 simple tips that’ll make your daughter’s mind work FOR her instead of against her by dissolving her mental blocks, so she has the clarity she needs to walk confidently into her future. You’ll find the full episode and more resources for parenting your teenage daughter at cultivatingresilientteens.com

Hey parents,

If I had a dollar every time I heard “I’m totally overwhelmed” and “this is too hard” we could jet off the Caribbean for a long weekend. Okay, maybe that’s a little dramatic, but I’m coming off a week of back-to-school coaching sessions where my clients are feeling a sense of discord because while they’re excited to get back to their routines and see their friends, they’re also tangled up in the emotions and big expectations that come with a new semester.

How to Be Better

Even with a robust coaching toolbox, none of us are immune from feeling overwhelmed, especially if the task at hand feels like it’s out of your comfort zone. It’s a delicate balance between identifying your growth edges and pushing yourself to be better.

So, what if, instead of your daughter wishing her circumstances would be easier, she decides to be better at navigating her challenges? Train her mind to work for her, rather than against her.

Training her mind, or consciously choosing to be better at navigating life’s challenges is definitely something your daughter can do. I witness teenage girls working through complex social problems all the time. They’re keen analysts and dedicated investigators working to decode the situation at hand.

Sometimes, though, too much time in processing-mode leads to a state my clients call getting stuck in their head. And unfortunately, the more time your daughter stays stuck in her head, the less productive she’ll be in other areas of her life.

Ditching the Habits that Don’t Work

Thinking back, I distinctly remember moments in my teenage years where I was utterly baffled by someone’s behavior. And, I don’t know about you, but I’d spend copious amounts of time trying to make sense of it all. While it may have felt productive, the reality is, it was a waste of my time because even though I too was a keen investigator, my analysis usually led me down the murky-confusing-energy-depleting-rabbit hole.

3 Simple Tips

So, let’s keep your daughter out of the rabbit hole by equipping her with the tools she needs to make her mind work FOR her.

Tip #1 Develop New Starter Habits

The key to a starter habit is blending it into your current routine. A simple starter habit you can blend into your morning routing to life your mood is to:

• Drink a glass of water – allow the water to serve as a reminder of your strength and vitality!
• Identify something you’re excited about – visualize that exciting something and allow it to serve as reminder that good things happen to you – and for you!

Tip #2 Anticipate Challenges

Remember, rather than wishing her circumstances would be easier, we’re training your daughter to get better at navigating her challenges.

• Anticipating her challenges offers your daughter an opportunity to plan how she’ll clearly problem-solve any potential hurdles.
• Try the Entrance Strategy by taking a quick listen to Ep 41 because The Entrance Strategy is a powerful tool your daughter can use anytime, anywhere to exercise agency over her situation.

Tip #3 Take a Big Picture Approach

Sometimes being back at school means completing tasks that feel cumbersome or mundane. It can be easy to forget that your daily routine and tasks are preparing you for what’s to come.

• Remember that your task is time limited and think back to a time when something felt big though you did it and moved on. Get good at gathering evidence that supports your resilience and grit.
• Look at each task as a steppingstone that’s leading you to your next adventure.

Remember, if you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’re going to keep getting the same result. That’s why Dr. Joe Dispenza reminds us, “The hardest part about change is not making the same choices we made the day before.”

So, start small. Simple starter habits work because they’re sustainable. We all know that life happens so anticipate possible challenges and put your developmental tools to work. And last but certainly not least, remind your daughter that she’s been doing hard things for years, which is proof that with a 30,000-foot view, she’ll see that she can be, do, or accomplish anything she sets her mind to.

Okay my friends, until next time, here’s to cultivating a more resilient teen.