Subscribe to the Cultivating Resilient Teens Podcast
What happens when your teenage daughter “harmlessly” looks around her social media accounts?
Welcome back to Episode #8
Where we’re going to talk about what the comparison trap looks like for teenage girls and how to put an end to this harmful habit.
Honestly speaking, I’m not sure I know anyone who hasn’t gotten totally stuck in the comparison trap at least once.
Because as humans, it’s totally natural to be curious about what life is like for other people.
And my clients have shared that with all the covid restrictions still in place, the amount of time they spend looking around the internet has really increased.
And here’s the hard part … if your daughter is consistently absorbing everyone else’s high points, without mindful supervision, all while she’s trying to find her place in this world, it can really muddle her sense of self and wreck her self-confidence.
So, rather than always feeling like you’re always trying to ‘build yourself back up,’ let’s give your daughter ONE SIMPLE STRATEGY that’ll help put an end to the teenage comparison trap and build some rock-solid social media resilience.
But, before we get into the strategy, I want to share some insight with you, because chances are, your daughter be able to relate to what my clients are going through right now.
And it always feels better to know that:
- you’re not alone in the struggle
- AND that getting clear on what works for you and what doesn’t, is really worth figuring out
So, over the past few months, my clients are sharing that the amount of time they’re spending on their screens, especially their media, is way up.
And, not surprisingly, it’s causing all sorts of what feels like anxiety, depression and ADD.
The two things I’m hearing consistently are …
“I thought my screen time was high last week, and then I got my update and it’s even higher this week.”
“I’m so bored all the time, so I just take a break on my phone and then like, an hour or two just goes by.”
Ahhh, so if you’re wondering HOW one gets caught in the comparison trap – there’s your ANSWER.
The mindless quest for one sweet little dose of dopamine.
Unfortunately, rather than getting that dose of happiness, what happens instead is your daughter ends up absorbing…
- a zillion images of people who appear oh so happy, the way she wants to feel
- and a bunch of lovely places that, if she were just there, would make her feel better
I probably don’t have to tell you this a slippery slope, even for the most confident of teenagers because those images drive your daughters mind into overdrive.
You know, that place where all she sees is everything she doesn’t have – and that mindset usually just shuts her down.
As Developmental Molecular Biologist, Dr. John Medina reminds us, “Most of us have no idea what’s really going on inside our heads.”
That’s why it’s so darn important for your daughter to learn this ONE SIMPLE STRATEGY, what I affectionately call…
Mindful monitoring is simply the ART of paying attention to the thoughts and feelings that are running through your daughter’s head while she’s taking in the images and happenings of the world around her.
Especially, when she’s ZOOMING IN to get a closer look – and you know what I mean!
I think we’ve all done that a time or two, yes?
Anyhow, in order to mindfully monitor what’s going on, I’d like to invite your daughter to keep these 3 Key Questions in mind ANYTIME she scrolls …
- What is it about this image that intrigues me?
- What about this person that’s interesting to me?
- What do I want for myself when I look at this image or person?
If you’re wondering why these questions are so important, it’s because they’ll provide your daughter with some really important feedback.
According to Dr. Susan David, the author of Emotionally Agility, “our raw feelings can be the messengers we need to teach us things about ourselves and can prompt insights into important life directions.”
Those messengers are your daughter’s golden nuggets!
So, let’s make sure she practices mindful monitoring and gathers her golden nuggets every time she scrolls.
Here are a few quick tips that’ll make mindful scrolling feel doable:
- First, decide on purpose how long you’re going to look around on your media
- Then, choose an activity that you’ll do when your time is up
- Next, set a timer for yourself
- Lastly, when your timer goes off – do that thing you chose to do before you started and do not negotiate with yourself, stick to your plan
How does that sound?
It may be part of the human condition to look and compare, but we all know that social platforms create some amount of internal turmoil, and truly require a keen sense of self.
So, if you’re thinking YES!
Yes, this is exactly what my daughter needs right now…
Go ahead and deepen her social and emotional skill set by taking a look at a popular article I published in Thrive Global, titled, “How to Raise a Socially Intelligent and Resilient Teenager 5 Simple Questions That Will Set Your Teenager Up for Success”
You’ll find that link for the article in the show notes, or on my website, https://cultivatingresilientteens.com/
And, speaking of deepening your daughter’s social and emotional skill set, next week we’re going to give you a tool to conquer one of the hardest things teenage girls deal with – indecision.
So, stay tuned because your daughter will be an absolute standout when she’s able to confidently make a decision, even in the most difficult of situations.
I look forward to connecting with you again next week.
For more information about Developmental Molecular Biologist, Dr. John Medina, take a look at his book, Brain Rules, 12 Principles for Surviving and Thriving at Work, Home and School.
For more information about Author Dr. Susan David, I’d highly recommend reading her book Emotional Agility Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life
Deepen your daughter’s social and emotional skillset with the How to Raise a Socially Intelligent and Resilient Teenager 5 Simple Questions That Will Set Your Teenager Up for Success