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What’s the relationship like between your teenage daughter and her pesky inner critic?
Welcome back to Episode #6
Where my inner critic is very much alive and well every time I step up to my microphone.
So I worked through the 3 simple steps I’m going to share with you today.
Because when you’re feeling self-confident, you have the energy to successfully move through life’s daily challenges.
I’d like to dive in by asking if you’ve heard the saying “be careful how you talk to yourself because you’re listening?”
When I posted that quote on my Cultivating Resilient Teens Instagram feed, it got more likes than my puppy!
So, if your daughter is wondering why she needs to understand her inner critic …
Well, here’s why … it has a HUGE impact on how she thinks, feels, and responds to life’s ups and downs.
One of the best examples I can share with you is what a few of my new clients say they hear from their inner critic …
“You know you should get that assignment done, even if you don’t feel like it.”
“You know, you really could have done better than that.”
Ugh, I don’t know anyone who feels inspired or motivated when you “should” and “shame” all over yourself.
The good news is your daughter can learn to COLLABORATE with her inner critic and build her self-confidence one step at a time.
Here’s how you can Help.
As a parent, you and I know it’s HARD to see your daughter struggle.
But dismissing her big emotions may cause her to question herself even more.
So, I’d like to invite you to try this 3 Step Process with her instead:
Ask your daughter to NAME her emotions.
For example, ask her fill in the blank.
“When I get a lower test score than I think I deserve, I feel ______.” (frustrated, sad, confused, angry, defeated).
Encourage her to stay out of the “story” that may be running through her head and simply identify or name her emotions.
Acknowledge the impact her emotions are having by scaling her emotion from 1 – 10.
One is “not a huge deal” to “I’m crushed by this.”
Because it’s important for her to recognize the intensity her emotions are having on her mood and motivation.
This is the magical moment where she’ll feel the shift.
I know it may sound a little silly but remember … “be careful how you’re talking to yourself because you’re listening.”
So just try talking to those big emotions, lovingly that is.
Ask your emotions a few clarifying questions:
“Hey anxiety, I see that you’re back today … what’s happening right now that’s upsetting you?”
“Oh, hello lack of motivation … what are you trying to teach me today?”
Now, go ahead and offer your inner critic an answer that’ll boost your self-confidence.
“Thanks for looking out for me inner critic and stirring up my anxious feelings because they are definitely letting me know it’s time to do things differently than I have in the past.”
“Your input has been noted, thank you inner critic, and now I’m going to choose a more balanced, more realistic thought in this moment.”
Your Pep Talk to Keep Going
In case your inner critic isn’t on board with your new way of thinking and turns up the volume to try to keep you safe from moving forward, consider what author Elizabeth Gilbert has to say in her book Big Magic, Creative Living Beyond Fear.
“Your fear will always be triggered by your creativity, because creativity asks you to enter into realms of uncertain outcome, and fear hates uncertain outcomes.”
“This is all totally natural and human.”
I offer 3 Practical Approaches to shut down fear so your daughter can learn and grow from what’s happening, rather than giving up on her dreams.
Because when you’re able to shine a light on your fear and collaborate with your inner critic, your daughter can outsmart the forces that may be holding her back.
And you can find Episode 5 and the full show notes on my website cultivating resilient teens. com
Here’s to Brighter Days Ahead
So, go ahead and build your self-confidence from the inside out.
And go from “ugh, I don’t know” to “I got this!”
You’ll be so proud of yourself; it’ll be awesome.
And because you all deserve to feel awesome, next week we’re going to talk about what being a highly sensitive teenager looks and feels like – AND – offer you an antidote that cultivate her resiliency and empower even the most sensitive young lady to firmly advocate for herself.
Okay, I look forward to connecting with you all next week.
Quote: “Be careful how you talk to yourself because you’re listening” by Lisa M. Hayes
Book: Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear | Elizabeth Gilbert