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Is it possible for your daughter to stop comparing herself and create what SHE really wants?
Today we’re sharing the work of two renowned authors and researchers who offer 3 Actionable Solutions that’ll give your daughter the tools she needs to create what SHE really wants.
Although it’s a natural instinct to want to shield your daughter from the self-doubt that stems from engaging with the comparison gremlins, I’d like to encourage you to equip her with the right tools to handle these tough and often confusing situations.
Because, as you know … jealousy is a funny thing and has the power to stir up:
- some pretty intense emotions
- strange behaviors
- and cause your daughter to operate below her full potential
So, rather than trying to shield her, let’s take a few minutes to look at comparison and jealousy a little differently.
This is especially important if you see or hear your daughter comparing her body image to the shape & structure of her friends – or complete strangers.
Actionable Solution #1 Do A Reality Check
Often times when my clients come to me for the first time, they’re convinced that it’s just easier for everyone else to manage the comparison gremlins.
I’ll hear statements like, “so-and-so can look at her media for hours and be fine.”
And this statement confirms it’s time for a little reality check because your daughter may not even notice all the ways she’s engaging in it.
So, the first Actionable Solution is to pause and do a reality check.
- Look at when, where and how she’s comparing herself
- And identify how she feels when she’s stuck in comparison mode
As Dr. Susan David, author of Emotional Agility, reminds us, your emotions serve as informative “data points.”
And although jealousy can be an intense emotion, it’s worth unpacking.
The information your daughter will gather in the process will offer insight into what she really wants for herself.
Remember, she’ll want to create a safe space, away from criticism, judgement, and negative thought loops when she does her reality check.
Actionable Solution #2 Look At Your Habits
The second Actionable Solution is to observe her individual habits.
Here are 3 reflective questions your daughter can write down or put in the notes on her phone for consideration:
- When you find yourself in the comparison mode, what are your three biggest emotions?
- When you find yourself in comparison mode, what negative thought loops are you repeating?
- What’s one action that slows or disrupts your negative thought loop?
These questions may be tough to answer at first.
Though, I’d encourage your daughter to take the time to explore her answers, because they’ll offer insight into what’s driving her habits.
And … here’s the thing, your daughter’s habits directly influence her daily choices and decisions.
Actionable Solution #3 Follow The Brain Rules
The third Actionable Solution comes to you from developmental molecular biologist Dr. John Medina’s Brain Rules.
Dr. Medina shares that “Most of us have no idea what’s really going on inside our heads. Yet brain scientists have uncovered details every business leader, parent, and teacher should know—like the need for physical activity to get your brain working its best.”
Medina goes on to say …
- Every brain is wired differently
- Exercise improves cognition
- We are designed to never stop learning and exploring
- Sleep is powerfully linked with the ability to learn
And three of Medina’s Brain Rules we want to touch on are:
Rule #1: Exercise boosts brain power.
Exercise improves cognition for two reasons:
- Exercise increases oxygen flow into the brain.
- Exercise acts directly on the molecular machinery of the brain itself by increasing neurons’ creation, survival, and resistance to damage and stress.
Rule #7: Sleep well, think well.
- Sleep must be important because we spend a third of our lives doing it!
- Loss of sleep hurts attention, executive function, working memory, mood, quantitative skills, logical reasoning, and even motor dexterity.
Rule #12: We are powerful and natural explorers.
- The desire to explore never leaves us.
- Babies are the model of how we learn—not by passive reaction to the environment but by active testing through observation, hypothesis, experiment, and conclusion.
So, let’s pull this all together.
As a natural explorer, your daughter’s brain is designed to be curious, which will likely lead her to compare and contrast her life to others.
Though, rather than saying, “you’re just as smart, pretty or athletic as so-and-so.”
I’d encourage you and your daughter to:
- allow her emotions clarify what she wants – and doesn’t want
- look at if her habits are helpful – or not so helpful
- and choose a few proven Brain Rules to follow
And because February’s focus is all about your daughter mastering the art of creating what she wants, if you haven’t yet heard Dr. Cathy Collautt’s approach to dealing with setbacks, you may want to learn her 4 Step Process now.
You can find those steps and how they may affect your daughter in podcast Episode #20 Have You Figured Out Where Your Sweet Little Girl is Going? Two New Resources That’ll Help Ease Her Journey into Adulthood
It’s a quick and easy listen and you’ll find all the resources in the show notes, on my website https://cultivatingresilientteens.com/
Until next week my friends, remember, every experience you have is perfect for your growth.
Dr. Susan David | Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change and Thrive in Work and Life
Dr. John Media | Brain Rules: 12 Principles for Surviving and Thriving at Work, Home and School
YouTube Video | Marie Forleo with Catherine Collautt, Ph.D. | 4 Steps to Overcome a Devastating Setback