Subscribe to the Cultivating Resilient Teens Podcast
Have you figured out where your sweet little girl is going?
In podcast episode #1 we pose the question … Are you wondering where your sweet little girl went?
And offer 5 Hints to Solve the Mystery.
I honestly didn’t really think anyone would listen to my first podcast, but Episode #1 Are You Wondering Where Your Sweet Little Girl Went? 5 Hints to Solve the Mystery seems to be a listener’s favorite.
Maybe it’s a top choice because, as your daughter begins to build her tribe outside the family and emphatically engages you in “discussions” regarding your parenting approach … you’re thinking, “Oh boy, what now?”
But I want to assure you that, just like the 5 hints helped you get a much-needed glimpse into her world, the Two New Resources we’re offering today will make these transitions feel more like an awesome adventure, than a weird episode of Crazy Town.
Because, chances are, by now, you’re likely seeing your daughter:
- exploring her true identity
- trying out different personas
- and stretching (or retracting) her wings
It’s no secret that the self-discovery road isn’t always smooth sailin.’
It certainly wasn’t for me.
Though, as your daughter develops a strong sense of self, it’ll make it a little easier and safer to:
- try out different friend groups
- set healthy boundaries
- and advocate for what she believes in
If you’d like clarity on what I mean by building a strong sense of self, you may want to listen to Episode #16 Does Your Teenage Daughter Need a Strong Sense of Self to be Successful in Life? because we offer a simple tool that folks have said is super helpful, it’s called the 3-2-1 Method.
And because, simple tools that feel doable promote lasting growth, let’s dive into today’s two new resources.
The Tale of Two Paths
First off, I’d like to share with you, in my private coaching practice, there are two ‘common paths’ that teenage girls seem to toggle between as they begin to stretch their wings.
I call it the tale of two paths.
Finding your Flow
The first path is your daughter’s quest to find her flow.
As she sets off to find her flow, she’ll want to practice being mindful.
Because when she’s mindful, it means she’s paying attention to what’s going on.
Specifically, she’ll want to pay attention how she’s talking to and about herself.
And one of the most effective ways to find your flow in this process, is to talk to yourself in third person.
I know it may sound silly, but when you talk to yourself in the third person, it creates a safe, emotional distance from criticism and judgement.
And allows you to take a more curious approach.
So rather than saying “I could have done better on that project.”
Restate your thought in third person by using your name.
For example, “Shawna, if you wanted to do better on that project, what would you do differently and why?”
When you reflect back on situations, especially tough ones, with a curious mind, there’s more room for clarity.
And clarity promotes growth.
And growth invites, you guessed it – flow.
Ditching Habitual Autopilot
The second path I see, is sometimes frustrating and messy because your daughter is stuck in what we consider to be ‘habitual autopilot.’
If she’s spinning the same stories over and over, or always taking the same approach but wishing for a different result – she’s probably stuck in habitual autopilot.
Which unfortunately is the opposite of finding her flow.
We’ve all been there at least once, and it tends to happen when we experience a roadblock or tough personal setback.
That’s why I want to share the 4 Steps to Overcome a Devastating Setback.
These steps are the work of Dr. Cathy Collautt.
Step #1 You must learn to deal with setbacks, failures, and blows to your confidence and overcome them. Especially if you’re going to try new things and live a life worth living.
Step #2 Recognize that success and failure are on the same path. And remember that before you accomplish that ‘something’ there’s always a period of time where you haven’t yet proven you can do it.
Step #3 Celebrate the effort, not the result. Applaud yourself for trying because you could have not tried. And when you win, celebrate the effort and enjoy the result.
Step #4 Confine your conclusions. Don’t let this specific failure become global. Leave off drawing conclusions about your character, your self-worth or your entire existence because you’ve seen failure.
Gather the Gems
So, as you’re figuring out where is your sweet little girl going, let’s invite her to try these two new resources.
Talking to herself in third person and walking through the four steps.
These resources are designed to help your daughter learn how to gather all the great growth-related gems on her path to adulthood – and we want her to discover them all!
Until next week, remember, every experience you have is perfect for your growth.
Article in Vice.com | Why You Should Talk to Yourself in the Third Person | by Shayla Love | 12.28.2020 |
YouTube Video | Marie Forleo with Catherine Collautt, Ph.D. | 4 Steps to Overcome a Devastating Setback