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Does your teenage daughter feel like she has to choose between being liked or being respected?
Welcome back to the Cultivating Resilient Teens Podcast where we’re going to offer a “Short, Sweet and Spot On” episode, as listener Me and Xoxo, shared in a recent iTunes podcast review.
Thank you, Me and Xoxo, for taking the time to share your thoughts and for being part of the Cultivating Resilient Teens community!
We know how precious your time is AND we’re committed to giving you simple tools and effective strategies each week that’ll help you empower your daughter to build confidence, integrity and resilience for all of her adventures in life.
Okay, let’s get to it, because I want to clear up the myth that your daughter has to choose between being liked or respected.
One of my clients shared that a ‘Who are You?’ style check list has been going around social media.
The list had multiple boxes where you check off things you’ve done or that apply to you personally.
And although it didn’t seem like that big of a deal at first, my client not only felt like she was pigeon-holing herself into a misconstrued persona, but there was a whole lot of judgment coming out of this seemingly harmless activity.
My client understood that she had the choice to participate or pass, but she said the social pressure felt really intense.
And one of her friends teased her by saying … “Just fill it out, I mean, what do you have to hide?
Ah, I’m here to tell you, these tricky social situations aren’t easy to ACE without the right tools.
What You Can Do Instead
As we talked about in last week’s podcast Ep – 26 How to Support Your Daughter When Her Friendships Are Falling Apart
Your daughter’s style of communication matters:
- how she talks to and about herself
- and how she talks to and about her friends
And, if your daughter’s put in a situation where she feels pressured to share personal information that that seems intrusive and downright uncomfortable, we want to equip her with the tools that’ll help her stay confident, in her integrity, and strengthen her resilience.
3 Insights to Ace Tricky Social Situations
In order to prevent or de-escalate the drama that comes from tricky social situations, we’re going to share 3 Insights that will help your daughter tap into her best too – her personal power.
Because even though the “What do you have to hide?” situation seemed playful, my client didn’t want to pigeonhole herself into a certain persona or share information she considered personal.
- Feeling liked and respected is first and foremost, an inside job.
These crucial developmental years are the ideal time to guide your daughter towards a strong sense of self by helping her see what she needs to build a solid personal foundation.
As parents, you understand that your daughter’s sense of self will impact how she uses her voice and make decisions in the years to come.
- Second, learning to say what you mean and mean what you say in a clear, respectful and assertive manner will keep your daughter out of the:
- “I heard you said …”
- “Well, you know, that’s not what I heard …”
Miscommunication trap that’s messy and often hurtful.
- Third, who your daughter wants to be, desires to become, and what she wants to share with the world is her choice, period.
Yes, learning how to design healthy social scenarios is perhaps one of the most important rites-of-passage your daughter will encounter over the next few years.
So, equipping her with effective navigation skills are worth her time and effort.
Yes, Your Daughter Still Needs You
If you’ve been listening for a while, you’ve heard me talk openly about losing my footing at times, as a teenager.
And wrote about those turbulent years in the publication, Thrive Global, in an article titled, How to Raise a Socially Intelligent and Resilient Teenager 5 Simple Questions That Will Set Your Teenager Up for Success
Because it’s important to gently remind you that even if your daughter is acting like she doesn’t want or need your guidance – she really does need a safe space to process who she is and what she’s going through.
I certainly may not have always acted like I wanted or needed guidance, though life experience has proven that we can’t solve our problems with the same thinking that we used when we created them.
And speaking of thinking, teenage girls tell me that “thinking” is something they spend a lot of time doing.
Sometimes to the point where they get stuck in their story loops and see situations as all or nothing because when they’re emotionally triggered, their logical thinking mind completely goes off-line, and they make all kinds of wild assumptions.
So, stay tuned next week, as we break down the most common thinking errors that wreck your daughter’s confidence, integrity and resilience.
And offer bite-sized, doable solutions to keep her clear, connected and happy.
Lastly, when your daughter is aware of the 3 Insights to Ace Tricky Social Situations, she’ll naturally feel liked AND respected.
And she never needs to feel like she has to figure this out all by herself.
Until next week, here’s to cultivating a more resilient teen.
How to Raise a Socially Intelligent and Resilient Teenager 5 Simple Questions That Will Set Your Teenager Up for Success
iTunes Podcast Review: Listener, Me and Xoxo
“Shawna has a wonderful voice to listen to. She gives specific life / teen images and situations and authentic ways to work with teens personally and within the family – the realist approach and humor work for me. Short, sweet and spot on with a website to refer back to. I love how life just guides us if we pay attention. Glad to have found this podcast.”