Ep – 46 Unlock the VAULT today and Transform Your Daughter’s Future
Show Notes
Has your daughter ever experienced a memory from the past that’s so vivid she can recall it as if it happened yesterday? Maybe it’s a cringe-worthy moment she wishes she could erase or maybe it’s an incredible experience that redefined her.
Either way, THAT moment may be playing a crucial role in your daughter’s behavior, development, and relationships without her awareness.
I’ve certainly had my fair share of cringe-worthy and redefining moments and today we’re diving headfirst into one of them. But fear not, the more important part of this conversation is the powerful exercise your daughter is going to learn so she can honor all her experiences and use them to take inspired action towards measurable growth.
Intro:
Hey parents,
I’m so happy to be with you all – from the US, to Canada, Europe, Asia, South America and Australia, thank you so much for being part of the Cultivating Resilient Teens community today as we talk about and unpack your daughter’s “stories.” And by stories I’m referring to your daughter’s interpretation of her past experiences and how she explains or describes them to you.
Maybe your daughter is long winded, and shares every single detail, or maybe she just throws out a few details on the fly. Either way, all your daughter’s adventures in life…the beautiful ones and the painful ones are ultimately filtered through her internal operating system, or personal decoding system, and then shared via her unique narrative. But in this fast-paced, distraction-filled world it can be tough as parents to:
- Identify which details or events to pay attention to
- And how to remain a steady presence when your daughter’s dealing with an unsettling situation
So today I want to share with you the importance of listening deeply as your daughter’s story is unfolding…how your daughter refers to her role, or talks about herself, when she’s sharing her story with you.
The Narrative
While it’s natural for teens to embellish their stories (for dramatic effect), sometimes their dramatic details can trigger and flood YOUR nervous system. Making it easy to lose sight of the heart of the matter or what’s going on underneath the surface. But I want to lovingly encourage you to do your best to tune into the WORDS and PHRASES your daughter is using to describe her situation.
- How is she talking about herself?
- How is she describing her behavior, her choices, and her interpretation of the situation?
This is where the real information lies, or what I call the the heart of the matter. By identifying the heart of the matter you’ll be able to quickly provide your daughter with what she really needs.
Cringe-Worthy Moments
As silly as it may sound, my cringe-worthy moment that, honestly speaking, left a pretty substantial wound in my emotional vault years ago happened in the 11th grade when my completed LA (Language Arts) essay was handed back to me – by the smartest kids in my class, nonetheless.
My audible gasp unfortunately drew unwanted attention to the big fat 6-0 staring back at me. To this day I’m pretty sure the teacher drained an entire red ballpoint pen editing my paper. The heap of humiliation I was feeling was palpable. But it was the unkind thoughts that flooded me that were the most painful. My narrative, the words and phrases I was using to process my thoughts completely fractured my sense of self. And those negative thoughts became repetitive loops, actually following me to college or University.
Redefining Moments
However, I’m happy to report that one of my beloved professors caught wind of my writing angst and anxiety and walked me through a process that allowed me to challenge and untangle my old beliefs. Thankfully, I was able to redefine myself as a writer. I didn’t realize at the time that my professor helped me open what I now call the VAULT! And although it never felt easy, with time and support I was able to change my perception and learn to truly believe in myself.
Exiting the Highway of Habit
So, the next time your daughter brings up a cringe-worthy moment, whatever it may be, please remember that moment in time really does have the potential to turn her perceived wound into a redefining moment. And the key to helping your daughter honor all her experiences and use them to take inspired action towards measurable growth is the VAULT exercise.
A Powerful Personal Exercise
Rather than allowing your daughter to carry around her baggage (like I did) and create unhealthy coping habits, let’s show her how powerful it can feel to that it’s OKAY to honor and then release her pain by opening the VAULT.
So here we go…this is how your daughter can honor all her experiences and use her life lessons to fuel her into taking inspired action towards measurable growth.
Let’s open the VAULT
V – validate all her feelings – the super powerful good ones and the not so good feeling ones
A – accept where she is on her journey right now because it’s part of the process and exactly where she’s meant to be
U – understand that it’s time to shift now and create a new perspective
L – love all the parts of you that are going through this experience, especially the parts you may be hiding or ignoring
T – tell your narrative, your story a bit differently by identifying exactly how you want things to go in the future
Okay, is your daughter ready to put this powerful VAULT exercise into practice?
As the renowned speaker and author Brene Brown reminds us, “Owing our story and loving ourselves through the process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do.”
So please don’t let your daughter go through another day just zoning out, numbing out, or disconnecting from her unique gift because inspired action doesn’t happen by accident, nor does growth.
If you’re not sure where your daughter is right now, please take the quick quiz Discover: Is Your Teen Daughter Resilient Enough for All of Life’s Adventures? so you can identify the heart of the matter and where to best support her.
Okay my friends, from near and far, until next time, here’s to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life’s adventures.
Episode Links:
Episode – 16 Does Your Teenage Daughter Need a Strong Sense of Self to be Successful in Life?
Brene Brown Quote from The Gifts of Imperfection “Loving ourselves through the process is the bravest thing we’ll ever do.”
Discover: Is Your Teen Daughter Resilient Enough for All of Life’s Adventures?
