Your Daughter Works Really Hard, Don’t Let Her Make This Mistake

Are you ready for your daugther to achieve that personal VICTORY she deserves?

Whether she has her eye on scoring the winning goal or finishing first in her event – her standards are probably high.

Celebratory hugs and high-fives are exhilerating, create connection and keep her coming back for more.

The Challenge

Sometimes your daughter may put so much pressure on herself that she shows up to her event feeling …

  • Anxious and unable to focus
  • Overcome by negative mind-chatter
  • Overwhelmed by the idea of proving herself

As a parent, this is tough to see and tricky to manage.

On one hand, you know your daugther will likely be more resilient and motivated, once the dust settles.

And, learning to ‘ride the waves’ is an essential life skill.

The hard part is, if her experience leaves you with a heavy heart, you may be tempted to offer well-meaning, confidence-enhancing reassurances.

Unfortunately, this usually backfires because your daughter may think you’re dismissing the significance of her “perceived” failure.

What You Can Do

When your daugher doesn’t meet her expectations, first, take a deep breath.

And, when the time feels right, explore the difference between GOALS and EXPECTATIONS.

Goals are:

  • Future focusedWhere do you want to be? What are one or two steps you can take today to move you toward your goal?  If your negative mind-chatter surfaces, acknowledge the thought and then remind yourself that you’re consciously forging a new path.
  • Forgiving – Embrace a growth mindset, where you’ll allow yourself to re-evaluate and re-calibrate as you work toward your goal. You’ll practice being compassionate with yourself by observing your mistakes and recognizing that you’re human … and human beings make mistakes.
  • Feel good – Stop for a moment and pay attention to your heart rate, your posture and the space between your brows. If you’re tense and anxious, it’s time to stop and re-consider your intentions.  Goal setting that comes from your heart will energize you and you’ll be excited to share your ideas with friends and family.

Expectations are:

  • Shame builders – You’ll have thoughts that are rooted in scarcity (I’m not enough). You’ll keep your desires a secret for fear of failure or rejection. If your thoughts and feelings are rising and falling like a roller-coaster ride, your expectations may be ego-driven. Your ego likes to stir up internal drama and self-doubt.
  • Should makers – Are you “shoulding” all over yourself by saying “I should have __________!”  When you start comparing yourself to someone else, the “should” statements arise. Self-comparison will lead you down the road of despair … every time.
  • Short term – Guilting yourself into action is not going to motivate you and it’s not sustainable. The high you get from instant gratification is short term and won’t have enough momentum to move you toward your goal.

Remember, your daughter is growing into her own person and there’s a natural learning curve here.

Growth and Development

You play an important role here because teaching your daughter to believe in herself and celebrate her little victories will build positive momentum.

As she begins to build an awareness of who she is, what her heart desires and how to move forward, it’ll be super cool for her to discover what she’s made of.

One of my daughter’s favorite quotes is “You were born an original, don’t die a copy.” ~ John Mason

Do you have a favorite quote or saying that inspires you? Share it with us here!



Subscribe to blog (it's free) and and Discover: Is your teen daughter resilient enough for all of life's adventures?

Posted in: Parenting Tips