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If you were to describe your family in one word, what would it be?
I still remember my nervous excitement the day I went in to talk with my doctor about my husband and I starting a family.
And her response wasn’t what I expected.
She said … “So, you’re ready to give up your sick days for the rest of forever?”
Oh, I hadn’t quite thought of it like that.
Nor did I have any idea about how dynamic raising a family would be – especially the teenage years!
Because, as you know, and you’ve probably heard this before … it’s exciting to watch your daughter grow into her own person, AND it’s hard to let go and lose control.
Welcome back to Episode #19
Today’s conversation wraps up my Signature Coaching System, 4 Steps to Cultivate Resilient Teens.
If you haven’t yet listened to the 3 previous episodes:
- Episode #18 2 Key Elements Your Daughter Needs to Design Healthy Social Scenarios
- Episode #17 2 Key Tips Every Teen Needs to Create a Meaningful Educational Experience
- Episode #16 Does Your Teenage Daughter Need a Strong Sense of Self to be Successful in Life?
I think you’ll find them helpful because cultivating a resilient teen is a bit like solving a puzzle – and the previous episodes include pieces you’ll need.
Fostering a Connective Family Life
Okay, today we’re inviting you to:
- dust off your parenting superpowers – whether you’ve forgotten where they are or they’re covid fatigued
- and reignite your mojo – those innate gifts that reside in your hard working, dedicated parenting heart
Because after years of doing this work, I’ve identified two core family values that, when present, foster a connective family life.
- Having a home environment where everyone can be themselves
- Learning how to find common ground (aka – learning how to peacefully navigate the endless differences of opinion)
Getting stuck in the Weeds
But there are a few sticky points that are worth mentioning.
Most people enter into a conversation thinking they’re right and the other person is wrong.
So, naturally your daughter may think … if only you would see things the way she does, there’d be peace in the valley.
And you think, if only she’d listen to you and see the bigger picture – she could save herself a lot of grief and potential pitfalls.
And before you know it, words of disagreement are a flyin’ and emotions are a blazin’ – as you both try your best to change the other person’s perspective.
And, if you’re like most families, you find yourselves stuck in the weeds and miles away from your key issue or a solution.
3 Superpower’s You Need to Foster a Connective Family Life
Believe me, I get it.
As a parent I’ve made my fair share of mistakes – and I’m not immune to ups and downs.
However, it’s not helpful or healthy to repeat the same mistakes.
And you definitely don’t want to let anger or yelling become your knee-jerk reaction.
So, let’s go over the 3 Superpower’s you need to Foster A Connective Family Life (spoiler alert: you already possess them!)
- Grace – the art of forgiving yourself when you have a lapse in judgment, make a mistake, or talk negatively to yourself.
- Growth – the lifelong process of opening up your mind and heart to new ideas and opportunities.
- Gratitude – finding small things to appreciate and focus on.
As a dedicated hard-working parent living in an expectations-filled, fast paced world, it can be easy to lose your sense of self, try to control outcomes and cut to the chase because you’ve had a long day.
But I think you’ll find that slowing down and holding space for your Superpowers to activate is the best way to foster a connective family life.
And because I love passing along great resources, I want to share two books that’ll support your efforts to create a home environment where everyone can be themselves and find common ground.
Seek to Understand before Being Understood
The first is a book titled Persuasion: Convincing Other’s When Facts Don’t Seem to Matter by Lee Hartley Carter.
In her book Persuasion, Carter says the key to understanding one another is to practice a concept she calls active empathy.
Simply put, active empathy is making an effort to actively try to understand the other person.
So, the next time you and your daughter have a difference of opinion or just want to discuss a new topic, remember this active empathy approach … seek to understand, before trying to be understood.
Teach your daughter How to Think, Not What to Think
The second book is one of my favorites and I’d highly recommend it.
The book is titled, Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change and Thrive in Work and Life by Susan David, PhD.
Because sometimes in your loving attempt to make sure your daughter is happy – because, at the core, that’s what you ultimately want for her – you step in and overcompensate or try to fix things.
Remember though, it’s that moment in time, or that idea that “I, in all my glory, as well as all my stinkiness and imperfection, am loved and accepted.”
There’s a real sense of confidence and pride that blooms when your daughter learns how to think for herself and knows that, in her secure attachment with you, things will be okay.
David concludes her book by saying that we reach the real level of emotional agility, “not through magic, but through a series of tiny steps in everyday moments over the course of a lifetime.”
That feels so doable, I love it.
And speaking of doable, if there’s a problem that seems to be on repeat in your home and you’re tired of going round and round, I can help you find strategies that’ll work.
G ahead and click on Book a Strategy Session and together we’ll get clear on what you need and find strategies that’ll work.
I look forward to connecting with you next week, and remember, every experience is perfect for your growth.
Episode #17 2 Key Tips Every Teen Needs to Create a Meaningful Educational Experience
Persuasion: Convincing Other’s When Facts Don’t Seem to Matter by Lee Hartley Carter.
Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change and Thrive in Work and Life by Susan David, PhD.