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What do the happiest teens have in common?
We all have defining moments in life when we stop and think … seriously, what’s this all about?
So, picture this … a line of 6th graders nervously perched in the front of the classroom.
It’s time for the annual Spelling Bee.
My name was called first.
The rest is a blur, well, except for laughter echoing around me.
Which is why Jim Kwik, is one of my favorite resources because he reminds us, “These times can define us, diminish us, or develop us.”
Welcome back to the Cultivating Resilient Teens podcast, episode #24.
Where we’re excited to give your daughter what she needs to develop her confidence, integrity and resilience for all of life’s adventures, rather than feeling defined or diminished by the all the social influences, inequalities, and labels (ug, the labels!).
In my private coaching practice, where I work with teenage girls from 12 years to twenty something, all over the US – there’s definitely pattern.
Maybe you’re seeing this pattern too?
It begins around the fifth grade; you see your daughter’s environment begin to infiltrate her sense of self and limit her potential.
The Power of Words
If you think about it like this … when your daughter hears things like:
- “She deserved it”
- “You’re so basic”
- “Omg, that was an epic failure”
It’s not easy to stand tall and design healthy social scenarios where she can thrive.
Often times a concept referred to as Confirmation Bias sneaks in and offers evidence, albeit biased and irrational, to support any negative, self-defeating thoughts.
And then, without really knowing – and maybe even without her consent – these thoughts become your daughters’ beliefs.
What’s Confirmation Bias
Let’s clarify what confirmation bias is and how it affects your daughter.
The Oxford Dictionary defines it as “The tendency to interpret new evidence as confirmation of one’s existing beliefs or theories.”
And Psychology Today says confirmation bias can have a big impact because “When people would like a certain idea or concept to be true, they end up believing it to be true.”
So, when it comes to teenage girls, this situation may sound familiar to you …
- As your daughter is waking up, maybe even before she’s aware of how she’s feeling, a brightly lit screen, with everyone else’s high points, is infiltrating her mind.
- If she does this daily, the habitual cycle tends to launch her into autopilot.
- She’ll think the same thoughts and talk to herself the same way she did the day before and the day before that.
And, as you know, autopilot mode doesn’t promote growth.
That’s where the getting stuck begins.
A Better Way
So, I ask you, if your daughter knew how to take life’s defining moments and allow them to develop her confidence and resilience and heighten her integrity … would she be up for it?
If you’re listening every week, you’re probably familiar with my Signature Coaching Program, 90 Days to a More Resilient Teen, where we tap into the four steps to cultivate a resilient teen.
One of the most important steps for teenage girls is developing a strong sense of self.
So if you’re a new listener, you may want to take a minute and grab the 3-2-1 Method in Episode #16 Does Your Teenage Daughter Need a Strong Sense of Self to be Successful in Life?
And speaking of listeners, I want to give a quick and grateful shout out to LarsandLogan for your five-star review on the iTunes podcast app and for sharing:
“I love listening to Shawna’s podcast during my morning walk with my dogs. In each topic she takes what feels confusing and overwhelming in the moment and breaks it down into helpful tips. I find myself able to shift my perspective as a parent and try the different strategies once I get home.”
We appreciate you LarsandLogan.
Cultivate a Limitless Mindset
Okay, speaking of helpful tips … let’s get to ‘em.
Because teenage girls are passionate problem solvers, helping your daughter cultivate a limitless mindset can make her one of those happy teenagers.
We don’t mean walking around clueless and just pretending – we actually mean the opposite.
Jim Kwik, the Author of Limitless; Upgrade Your Brain, Learn Anything Faster, and Unlock Your Exceptional Life says, “If knowledge is power, then learning is a superpower.”
So, grab a pen, write down these two questions and ignite YOUR daughter’s superpowers.
- What’s most important in your life right now?
- Are the actions you’re taking today aligned with those important things?
You’ll see that when your daughter’s mind is clear, developing a strong sense of self is easy.
And when it feels easy, it flows.
And when it flows, it feels good.
And when it feels good – it sticks.
Focusing on what’s most important and then taking inspired action will stick.
And that’s how you empower your teenage daughter to build confidence, integrity and resilient for all of life’s adventures.
Until next week, remember, every experience you have is perfect for your growth.
And remember, all the resources I mentioned today are available in the Show Notes, on my website, https://cultivatingresilientteens.com/
Book: Limitless: Upgrade Your Brain, Learn Anything Faster, and Unlock Your Exceptional Life | Author Jim Kwik | Founder and CEO of Kwik Learning
Confirmation bias – the tendency to interpret new evidence as confirmation of one’s existing beliefs or theories. (Oxford Dictionary)
Article: What is Confirmation Bias | Psychology Today | Shahram Heshmat, Pd.D. | Posted 4.23.2015