Is your teenage daughter a hard worker who gets frustrated and feels defeated when things don’t go her way?
If mind management sounds like some type of voo-doo, though you see your daughter repeating the same behaviors over and over, while expecting, a different result – this podcast is for her.
Welcome back to the Cultivating Resilient Teens Podcast where you can find the full show notes on my website, cultivatingresilientteens.com
Today’s episode is inspired by an incredibly ambitious, bright, and determined past client who knew exactly what she wanted.
But there was just one ‘key element’ missing.
And no matter how hard she tried, she continued to find herself back where she started.
But let’s not be too hard on her because the key element that kept her stuck isn’t a core competency you learn in school.
And standardized testing dismisses it, too.
However, this element definitely has an impact on your daughter’s performance.
So today we’re going to introduce the 6 most common thinking errors that may wreck your daughter’s confidence.
And, how to break free with 2 Strategies that work.
Let’s start with the 6 thinking errors the teenage girls in my private coaching practice say are the hardest to handle.
1.) Believing it’s always “All or Nothing”
All or nothing sounds like:
I’m never the one who gets picked to lead the project
2.) “Catastrophizing” her situations
Catastrophizing sounds like:
This is so stressful because if I don’t say the right thing, everyone’s going to think I’m weird
3.) “Shoulding” all over herself
Shoulding sounds like:
I should eat lunch with those girls because if I don’t, they’ll think I’m rude
4.) Constantly “Blaming” other people when unfortunate situations arise
Blaming sounds like:
I couldn’t make the make the interval on time because no one got out of my way
5.) Using “Labels” to classify herself and others
Labeling sounds like:
She’s so popular, she must think I’m a total dork
6.) “Focusing” only on the negative
Only seeing the negative sounds like:
No one even noticed I’m having a bad day (even though you heard her friends give her a pep talk earlier)
Yikes, do these sounds familiar?
Whether you want to call them irrational thoughts, stinky thinking, or cognitive distortions, simply developing an awareness around how often your daughter “goes there” in her mind, and how uncomfortable she feels when she does, can help nudge her towards clarity.
Break Free from Thought Errors
We all have habits, patterns and old programming that cause us to dip into default mode.
But the cool part is, your daughter can break free from her thought errors.
A past client who went through my 90 Days to a More Resilient Teen Coaching Program shared, “Thank you so much Shawna. So far everything we’ve discussed is spot on and help me so much. I’ve been waking up every morning doing my ‘challenges’ and it puts me in a good headspace. I don’t think I’ve felt this happy / satisfied about everyday life in a while. And I can’t tell you how good it felt to say my mantra, that was magic. I feel excited and empowered.”
2 Strategies that Work
So, what can YOUR daughter do every morning to feel excited and empowered?
- Practice Productive Venting
If she’s a venter and just needs to vent, let her.
But make it productive by asking, before she gets going …
“How do you want to feel about this issue?” or “When you resolve this situation, what will be different?”
And, as we’ve talked in previous episodes, teenage girls are incredible problem solvers.
So go ahead and give your daughter a platform to brainstorm her perceived problems and solutions – but agree to keep the process time limited.
- Set a Timer
Similar to working through a tough math problem or an essay, setting aside a manageable amount of time to focus will keep you from reaching what I call, the point of no return.
I’d suggest setting a 30-minute timer and when your time’s up, have your daughter move on to something that’s easy and fun.
Because easy and fun will make it all feel doable.
And, as Dr. Sarah McKay, an Oxford University educated neuroscientist and author of The Women’s Brain Book: The Neuroscience of Health, Hormones and Happiness, shares “The adolescent years, known as the second sensitive period of brain development, are important because this is when shaping of the brain occurs in earnest, in response to the unique environmental experiences of the individual.”
So, if you take anything away from our conversation today, it’s that developing strong sense of self is one of the greatest gifts your daughter can give herself.
And developing a strong sense of self begins with observing your thinking habits and patterns and the effect they have on your behavior, choices, relationships and mood.
Whew, we covered a lot of ground today – thanks for hanging in there with me!
And remember, the full show notes are available on my website, https://cultivatingresilientteens.com/podcast/
I look forward to connecting with you all next week.
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