What’s your toughest parenting challenge right now?
The biggest source of stress for my clients is probably not going to surprise you.
If you’re desperately trying to find ways to gracefully and tactfully help your daughter handle social media posts that feel like a devastating sucker punch, you’re not alone.
I think we all know that social media isn’t going away and certainly has some positive attributes.
However, if your daughter is allowing every single image into her emotional house, her environment is going to feel toxic and her walls are going to crumble.
The teens I work with often explain their emotions and experiences through personal stories because, well, that’s how relate to and make sense of our internal and external environments.
And lately, the social media stories are heart breaking.
The #1 thing my teenage clients tell me is, they feel like they’re only one who:
- is constantly paranoid about being left out
- feels bad about herself after looking at Snapchat and Instagram
- has become obsessed with what everyone else is doing
However, in reality, these fears are the norm.
A study that followed the social media accounts of 200 *13-year-olds found:
→ the teens reported checking their social media feeds over 100 times a day
- needed to monitor their own popularity status
- defend themselves against those who challenge it
→ the excessive checking was necessary because:
- 61% of teens said they wanted to see if their online posts are getting likes and comments
- 36% of teens said they wanted to see if their friends are doing things without them
- 21% of teens said they wanted to make sure no one was saying mean things about them
Do these statistics sound familiar to you?
If so, your daughter may be allowing all the assumptions, myths and stories she sees, upwards to 100 times a day, penetrate her psyche – and that’s not a good thing.
That’s why when I’m coaching my clients, we explore and get really clear about …
♥ What social media means to you?
♥ What do you want your parents to know?
♥ What would you say to a friend that’s posting stuff you don’t agree with?
♥ What can you do when you are left out of a gathering and see the images?
♥ Identify the pros and cons of being on social media?
♥ Discussion around when and if self-promotion okay?
♥ If the posts are realistic and how you can tell the difference?
These concepts may sound simple, but they are not always easy to navigate.
In order for your daughter to cultivate confidence, integrity and resilience and feel good about WHO SHE IS, it’s important to look at these 4 key areas of her life:
Is she being honest with you about what’s coming up for her when she scrolls through her media posts?
Does she have a safe place to decompress and re-calibrate?
When tough issues come up about her on-line activity, how does your family handle it?
Sense of Self
Is she aware of and comfortable with what’s happening to her body?
Who does she look to for inspiration and guidance?
Does she actually believe she can create the life she desires?
Has she considered what her intentions are when she posts on SnapChat or Instagram?
Is she honoring her core values and who she wants to be?
Has she developed the wherewithal to decipher between fact and interpretation?
Is she confident to advocate for herself?
When group projects come up is she able to be a leader and follow someone else’s lead?
Will she approach her academic challenges with a growth mindset, rather than feeling stuck with a fixed one?
— — —
When you daughter is able to recognize who she is, what her beliefs are and what set’s her off, she’ll develop a sense of personal power that can’t be overrun by a social medial post.
I’m really not looking to throw social media under the bus because without it, I wouldn’t be able to talk with so many of you.
And, as we know, humans thrive on connection.
True connection is the best antidote for resilience.
So, allow your daughter to connect … just make sure the walls of her emotional home are solidly built with the 4 keys to cultivate a more resilient teen.
If you’re not sure what your daughter needs right now, I’ve made that easy for you.
Take this quick quiz Discover: Is Your Teen Daughter Resilient Enough for All of Life’s Adventures?
*the study results can be found here #Being13: