What does taking massive action look like for your daughter?
That sounds a little dramatic, right?
I’m curious, though, does your daughter:
- Write down her goals?
- Lay out a plan of action?
- Explore the benefits?
- Measure her progress?
- Set a clear time frame?
Perhaps, she’s floundering or hesitant about her goals and how to set them?
Goal setting can be tough for teens because research shows us that her brain prefers to stay in her comfort zone – and goal setting is the anthesis of comfy – it’s scary and ambiguous.
At the same time, her brain is expending a tremendous amount of energy thinking about what her life would look and feel like if she could just get to where she wants to be.
And that, my friends, is the best reason to allow the discomfort to set in – and move forward anyway.
If your daughter doesn’t talk about goal setting with you, take a moment to think about off-handed remarks she has uttered in the past, like:
- “What’s wrong with me?”
- “Why do I have to be different?”
- “Why can’t I be like [insert name here] because she seems to have it all”
If you’ve heard these comments, chances are, your daughter is ready to move from where she is, to where she wants to be – but needs your help because she doesn’t know how to do it alone.
Your daughter deserves to learn how to reach her goals … here are a FEW TIPS to help get you going:
1.) Look at the language used in her off-handed question:
“What’s wrong with me?”
- The word wrong invites judgement, shame and fear.
I’d encourage your daughter to restate her question and say: “What’s happening with me right how?”
This process invites curiosity and allows her to think clearly, identify her feelings and recognize that her negative thoughts / emotions are temporary.
2.) It’s important to break down the question:
“Why do I have to be different?”
- The word different implies that something is defective or problematic.
I’d encourage your daughter to reword her question and say: “Where’s the best place to share my uniqueness with the world?”
A question framed like this opens the door to opportunity and kindness.
And, allows your daughter to show up as she is, rather than trying to fit in.
3.) If you unpack what your daughter is really saying when she shouts:
“Why can’t I be like [insert name here] because she seems to have it all”
- The words why can’t I be like implies your daughter is falling into the victim role and comparing herself in a harmful way.
You’ll want to stop this run-away train immediately by encouraging her to say: “What is it about [insert name here] that I admire?” because “I’d like to set and achieve my goals too.”
The ultimate goal is for you and your daughter to recognize the difference between massive and passive action.
The reframed questions and statements are designed to help you see and feel the difference.
If you think about it, passive action is tricky because your mind and body are “busy.”
However, your thoughts and actions aren’t getting you any closer to your desired outcome.
If you help your daughter recognize how she talks to herself and re-frame any negative statements or questions, her brain will welcome new concepts and ideas.
Try it for a week …I dare you!
And, please, take a moment share your experiences and thoughts with us.